Ys II - "What's All Ys, Then?"

Japanese role-playing games - or JRPGs to their friends - are perhaps one of the most inaccessible genres to the uninitiated. The most common crime they commit is enforced grinding, as players have to circle a patch of tall grass or forest or "world map", fighting the same creatures over and over until characters in their party are sufficiently levelled up to take on a boss. Then there's the minute-to-minute tedium of the gameplay, which even in the more complex JRPGs often boils down to selecting "attack" from a menu every time. And of course there's the time investment, which can stretch to 50, 100, even 200 hours or more - this becomes a more crucial metric the more your age and the size of your Steam library goes up.

Behind these off-putting elements - some of which it could be argued are central to the experience of playing a JRPG - there can be a lot of value, depending on the quality of the game in question. Persona 4 Golden is my personal Best Game Ever, and I could ramble on for quite some time about a fair few Final Fantasy's. It makes me feel a bit sad that the above issues could (very reasonably) put someone off ever delving into the genre.

If there was ever an entry-point, a catalyst for more interest in games that many find so impenetrable, I believe it is Ys Chronicles. This Steam bundle contains the first two games of a long-running series that has seen endless rereleases, remakes and enhanced reimaginings. I finished them in a total of 18 hours. There are no random encounters. The combat is real-time and could not be played while sleeping. Grinding is almost entirely unnecessary. What's more, Ys and Ys II are exceptional games and they do far more than just stand the test of time. They're easily some of the best 2D games I've ever played, and I want to let you know why you should check them out.

Felix's Skyrim Playthrough: 05 Schmetty Joins the Dark Brotherhood Part 1

"Urgh... My head! Where the tits am I?" For the second time since his adventure began, Schmetterling the Orc was blearily regaining consciousness in an unknown location. Last thing he remembered was falling asleep in a pile of hay in Solitude, and this place didn't remotely resemble that! He seemed to be in a dark, dingy, craphole of a shack.

"Blegh..."

Schemtty touched his head. He felt a mace-shaped impression where his cerebral Orc-tex used to be. 'Owy', he thought to himself, 'I feel like I've just gone eighteen rounds with Muhammad Orc-li!' But before he could get a hold of the situation, a softly-spoken voice from across the room called out to him.

"Ah, you're awake. Don't be afraid, my good Orc."

Schmetty looked up to see some sort of ninja human female, straddling an offensively filthy bookshelf. "Let me introduce myself. I am Astrid of the Dark Brotherhood," she purred. Schmetty didn't exactly know what that was, but he could take an educated guess at them being the people who'd clonked him on the noggin.

Felix's Skyrim playthrough: 03 Schmetty's mystical and majestic journey to Solitude

With the flaming ruins of Riverwood at his back, Schmetterling, on the advice of Hadvar the human, left for the city of Solitude. He hadn't the foggiest idea where this place was, mind, but Schmetterling knew his instincts would get him there in no time.

*TEN DAYS LATER*   

My my, what a journey! Seriously, these ten days could not have been more action-packed, even if he'd tried. He'd gallantly slain the Three-headed Cat of Fart-ma-goo, not-so-gallantly slain the one-headed cat of errr... this other place, bravely delved into the Mash Potato Mines of Zip-a-zee-do-da and snuck past its dedicated team of gnome custodians (rumoured to turn all those who gaze upon them into key lime pie), surreptitiously stolen their legendary Golden Anorak of Ever-So-Light Drizzle Resistance, AND, most impressive of all, courageously recovered from the sniffles he'd caught when it had rained too hard...

03 The Douche and the Dungeon

As I leave Alvor’s forge, with pockets full of nothing but cold, hard coin from selling the contents of Rigel's treasure-room, I bump into a handsome chap called Sven strolling the main (only) street in Riverwood.  Now Pyppi’s no tramp, but she definitely likes what she sees, so we strike up a conversation.  Alas, he has feelings for another: Camilla, the sister of Lucan the trader.  And any lingering flames of attraction towards Sven are swiftly doused in icy water when he makes some rather snide comments regarding the elf Faendal – his rival for Camilla’s attention.  Exsqueeze me?  Never one to let a fellow Mer be subjected to racism, casual or otherwise, I promptly rat out snakey Sven to Camilla, who thanks me, and asks that I inform Faendal also.  He is overjoyed, rewards me with a little gold, and even offers to accompany me on my travels.  Why not?  Even a mighty mage such as Pyppi Långstøchin needs company on the long, lonesome road.  I accept his proposition, on a trial-basis for now.  If he proves his worth, and remembers who’s in charge, we’ll draw up a permanent contract. 

The Love Triangle

XCOM Enemy Unknown Review

Hey! Wanna play a turn based tactical role-playing game? If your first reaction to that question is confusion along with a quick no as a reply, then a few months ago I would have been right there next to you, looking down on the person like some kind of weird overgrown kumquat. That is until I played XCOM Enemy Unknown.

02 We need to talk about Rigel

After a good night's sleep, I visit the Riverwood Trader to offload the assorted goodies I have collected so far on my eventful journey from Helgen.  The proprietor, Lucan, and his sister are having an argument, so I stand awkwardly in the corner, clearing my throat to let them know they have a customer.  It backfires, as Lucan asks if I would be able to lend a hand in retrieving his stolen Golden Claw.  I promise I will, but I’ve got tastier fish to fry at present.  And I’m not talking about the unrefrigerated salmon meat that I picked up from some fisherman’s rack and crammed into my pockets.

01 A Magical Beginning

Home Sweet Home

The game begins on what is basically Tamriel’s worst road trip, with a nervy horsethief, Rolaf aka Captain Exposition, and Ulfric Stormcloak – the leader of a nationalist rebel cause bent on kicking the meddling Empire out of Skyrim - bound and gagged.  We reach the Imperial outpost of Helgen, where the executioner’s block lies waiting for these criminal scum.  And myself, who was obviously just in the wrong place at the wrong time.  The wagon (finally) rumbles to a stop in the courtyard and our names are called one-by-one.  Apparently I’m not on the guest-list.

Felix's Skyrim playthrough: 01 Schmetty gets Orc-napped

"By the Seven/Nine [or however many ridiculous Human Gods there are], where in Oblivion am I!?" These were the first thoughts to run through the head of SCHMETTERLING the Orc as he blearily regained consciousness on a wagon somewhere in the frozen outback.