Shakespeare Enters the World of Video Games, Stage Left

Renowned works of literature - especially those many centuries old - are not often to be found in video game form. Off the top of my head, only Dante's Inferno comes to mind, a game that came in for a good deal of criticism for its stale gameplay (ripped straight from God of War) and some mystifying departures from the source material. It seems strange, to me at least, that some of the most thrilling and thought-provoking stories ever written down so rarely find a place to stay in Video-Game-Land. Imagine my pleasant surprise, then, when I saw a set of games on Humble Bundle's latest sale that included two entitled The Chronicles of Shakespeare, adaptations of Romeo and Juliet, and A Midsummer Night's Dream. Works from arguably the greatest literary artist of all time, expressed through a medium advancing and evolving in unprecedented ways. What could go wrong?

05 Losing my Dragon-ginity

"Guuu-uuuys, wait uuup!"

With some trepidation, I walk down to the main gates of Whiterun, where Irileth is delivering a rousing speech to the assembled town guard.  And while it does a little to steady my nerves, I am very much aware that the largest enemy I’ve faced so far is an overfed arachnid.  I'm glad I bumped up my healing prowess.  The Whiterun guards march out boldly and I tag along behind on Allie, “protecting the rear of the column”.  

04 Whitewun and Weligious Wondewings

The weather is against me the next morning, as I leave the Sleeping Giant Inn after a much-needed rest and find that a blizzard has descended.  But the Jarl must (finally, after much distraction and dilly-dallying) be warned of the dragon menace!  Through the dense snowstorm, I spot four figures plodding on ahead of me: three Imperial soldiers escorting a captive Stormcloak rebel.  The loyalist asks that I help him overpower his guards.  Erm, no.  Instead, I zap a mangy wolf who snuck up behind me and sprint off down the road.

"WOOF WOOF" *ZZZZZAP* "WHINE WHINE"

Felix's Skyrim playthrough: 03 Schmetty's mystical and majestic journey to Solitude

With the flaming ruins of Riverwood at his back, Schmetterling, on the advice of Hadvar the human, left for the city of Solitude. He hadn't the foggiest idea where this place was, mind, but Schmetterling knew his instincts would get him there in no time.

*TEN DAYS LATER*   

My my, what a journey! Seriously, these ten days could not have been more action-packed, even if he'd tried. He'd gallantly slain the Three-headed Cat of Fart-ma-goo, not-so-gallantly slain the one-headed cat of errr... this other place, bravely delved into the Mash Potato Mines of Zip-a-zee-do-da and snuck past its dedicated team of gnome custodians (rumoured to turn all those who gaze upon them into key lime pie), surreptitiously stolen their legendary Golden Anorak of Ever-So-Light Drizzle Resistance, AND, most impressive of all, courageously recovered from the sniffles he'd caught when it had rained too hard...

03 The Douche and the Dungeon

As I leave Alvor’s forge, with pockets full of nothing but cold, hard coin from selling the contents of Rigel's treasure-room, I bump into a handsome chap called Sven strolling the main (only) street in Riverwood.  Now Pyppi’s no tramp, but she definitely likes what she sees, so we strike up a conversation.  Alas, he has feelings for another: Camilla, the sister of Lucan the trader.  And any lingering flames of attraction towards Sven are swiftly doused in icy water when he makes some rather snide comments regarding the elf Faendal – his rival for Camilla’s attention.  Exsqueeze me?  Never one to let a fellow Mer be subjected to racism, casual or otherwise, I promptly rat out snakey Sven to Camilla, who thanks me, and asks that I inform Faendal also.  He is overjoyed, rewards me with a little gold, and even offers to accompany me on my travels.  Why not?  Even a mighty mage such as Pyppi Långstøchin needs company on the long, lonesome road.  I accept his proposition, on a trial-basis for now.  If he proves his worth, and remembers who’s in charge, we’ll draw up a permanent contract. 

The Love Triangle

Between Good and Evil : Skyrim

Ever since James and Felix first played games together, one thing has been abundantly clear:  They play them very, very differently.  No more evident is this than in their RPG playthroughs.  Felix will go out of his way to maim, murder, and, in once instance, eviscerate an old lady because her violin music was "bumming him out".

02 We need to talk about Rigel

After a good night's sleep, I visit the Riverwood Trader to offload the assorted goodies I have collected so far on my eventful journey from Helgen.  The proprietor, Lucan, and his sister are having an argument, so I stand awkwardly in the corner, clearing my throat to let them know they have a customer.  It backfires, as Lucan asks if I would be able to lend a hand in retrieving his stolen Golden Claw.  I promise I will, but I’ve got tastier fish to fry at present.  And I’m not talking about the unrefrigerated salmon meat that I picked up from some fisherman’s rack and crammed into my pockets.

01 A Magical Beginning

Home Sweet Home

The game begins on what is basically Tamriel’s worst road trip, with a nervy horsethief, Rolaf aka Captain Exposition, and Ulfric Stormcloak – the leader of a nationalist rebel cause bent on kicking the meddling Empire out of Skyrim - bound and gagged.  We reach the Imperial outpost of Helgen, where the executioner’s block lies waiting for these criminal scum.  And myself, who was obviously just in the wrong place at the wrong time.  The wagon (finally) rumbles to a stop in the courtyard and our names are called one-by-one.  Apparently I’m not on the guest-list.

Felix's Skyrim playthrough: 01 Schmetty gets Orc-napped

"By the Seven/Nine [or however many ridiculous Human Gods there are], where in Oblivion am I!?" These were the first thoughts to run through the head of SCHMETTERLING the Orc as he blearily regained consciousness on a wagon somewhere in the frozen outback.

Browzings: A Dark Room and candybox - or: Text-based games are basically work, right?

If, like me, you find yourself at work with a few minutes to spare (or hours of downtime, in some cases), you might have considered playing games in-browser. There are sometimes significant chunks of my day where I'm waiting for stuff to happen, and while some people might consider this freeing, other, less optimistic people would (rightly) surmise that it soon gets really bloody boring. After reading every news, magazine and blog article on the entire internet, I started playing Facebook Apps and games on Kongregate, but quickly realised that no-one catching me unawares could fail to notice that I wasn't compiling a report and that I was, in fact, piloting a miniature spacetank or madly blasting rainbow-coloured bubbles out of a cannon.

Some people might have stopped attempting to play games at work after this somewhat troubling revelation. "I'm getting paid to be here; maybe I should stop dicking around and make myself useful?" I imagine them asking themselves, their little hearts plagued with doubt. You know what I call these chumps? Quitters. Anything is possible with a little imagination. With a bit of digging around, I came across some neat, text-based adventure games that seemed to fit the bill: I could play them without it being obvious that I was doing so, and I could leave them running while doing other stuff if necessary. (Disclaimer: I don't advocate booting these up if you're a firefighter or heart surgeon, obvs. If, however, the alternative is staring at the clock and contemplating the futility of life, I say: go nuts! Because a watched clock never ticks.)